Stealth

Have you ever watched a movie in pain? Not because you are sick or because the seats are uncomfortable, but because the movie is so horrible that your brain wants to explode? That was Stealth for me. The biggest piece of shit of the year. Or at least top 2 because I'll have to evaluate which one is worse between this and Elektra when I make my bottom list in December, a time when I'm not going to be so angry against Stealth and so it could end up in second place instead of being winner. Or loser actually. My hate is so much that I'm going to spoil this bitch so beware.

The movie is bad from the moment it starts and then it all goes even more downhill. We are introduced to these high-tech superfast anti-terrorism flying jets, who are bombing and shooting mountains full of terrorists as the opening credits tell us. Every pilot in the US applied to fly this jets, and only the top 3 got the job. And at that time we learn that it was all a test run, the jets land and we are introduced (in slo-mo of course) to the 3 pilots.

First up is the All-American white boy Lt. Ben Gannon played by Josh Lucas. He's the lead pilot and an ok guy. We know that he's secretly in love with the girl pilot (introduced in a little bit) and since he doesn't want to act on it, he likes to pick up girls right in front of her. Very smart. Oh yeah, he likes green apples.
Lucas is fine in the lead role and he gets the least bad dialogue in the movie though his is mostly about terrorism and it's really stupid.

Then we have Kara Wade played by Jessica Biel. From the commercials you know she's going to be in a bikini, and that's reason enough to go this movie I know but please fight it and just jerk off to the commercial, because the rest sucks.
Kara is also in love with Ben and she gives him hints, but since she's an All-American rich girl from the high society, he thinks him being a leading pilot in the NAVY is not good enough.
There's not to tell about her other that she looks extremely hot in that bikini, and she also hand washes he panties and hangs them to dry in her room.
Biel looks good but her character's few lines suck. She makes fun of one of Ben's girls for saying "I have to go pee pee" and then she says it later again. She's joking that second time but it still sucks. And she also finishes the movie with "Just tell me you love me, Pussy". It's painful to watch.

And finally we have the black pilot, Henry Purcell played by Academy Award winner Jamie Foxx. Scratch that, he made this movie before Ray and Collateral so please forgive him. There's nothing here from the Foxx we saw last year, this one sucks and is the same actor nobody knew or cared about from before.
His Henry is the Goose of this movie, and of course he dies. But what sucks so much is that they delayed this movie because it was bad, and because they wanted to cash in on Foxx's popularity, so the least they could do is give him some respect. He gets none. First there's some bad lines about prime numbers, which they mention again later in the movie and it sucks. Then there's the pick up lines that are really lame. And finally his death, which is cool but it's like an hour into the movie, and the movie is two hours long. He dies and then there's even a whole new plot added.

The plot centers about the 3 pilots and the new addition to their team, EDI, a jet that flies himself, or itself as Ben says, and it even thinks for itself and can decide stuff out. He's supposed to follow orders but then a lighting storm hits him and he goes crazy, setting a test target as a real target. And that target is in Russia, so to prevent World War III from happening the head of the US government in the NAVY Capt. George Cummings played by Sam Shepard orders the pilots to hunt down EDI and convince it, without hurting it, to go back to the base. Yes, convince a machine full of bombs and weapons to go back. It's just so stupid. And even after EDI causes Henry's death they still want to bring him EDI back instead of just destroying him. And they have to fight him because the brains behind all this didn't think of putting a device in EDI enabling them to destroy him from the base.

But then, after a series of spectacular explosions and anti-terrorist non-sense in which the guys are all over the world fighting in Russia, Thailand, Alaska (where there's a special American base that is in no map and so Cummings sends Ben there to secretly kill him during the end) and Tajikistan. And finally they go to North Korea, where after Henry dies, EDI destroys Kara's jet, and so she ejects herself from it and lands in. Of course we get crap about North Korea being the enemy and that they are not going to be able to rescue and all that shit.
But Ben is the leader, and he's in love with her, so after not destroying EDI, yes, he convinces it to go back, they go to the aforementioned Alaska base where Cummings have guys waiting to kill him, but he kills them instead, and since his jet doesn't work anymore, he rides his now best friend EDI to North Korea to rescue her.

It's all very lame, full of explosions and action so fast that you can't even understand what's going on, and the dialogue is a disaster. Rob Cohen directed this movie after The Fast and the Furious and XXX, which are way better movies that this, because besides the action they have good characters (at least The Fast and the Furious), unlike the just white guy, white girl, black guy and evil boss of Stealth, seriously a horrible movie. And please go see The Island, which is like The Godfather compared to this.

Bailey's Billion$

Bailey's Billion$ is a kids movie that being released next week in very few theatres and it's a shame, because is one of the best movies for little kids out there right now that adults can also enjoy, unlike crap like Sky High, too Michael Jackson like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and the foul mouthed (though great for adults) Bad News Bears.

Bailey is a dog (voiced by Jon Lovitz) who can talk, but not with everybody, only with his guardian, an animal behaviorist named Theodore Maxwell, played by former Man of Steel Dean Cain. Bailey's owner dies one day and leaves all her fortune to him, which makes nephew Caspar Pennington (Tim Curry) and his wife Dolores (Jennifer Tilly) go crazy. Specially because the now deceased lady also leaves money for her maid and her husband.
But the fortune is all Bailey's, and he's also the CEO of the dog shelter company the lady owned, though Caspar and Dolores are in charge of it, and they secretly use it as a puppy mill. They also plan to kidnap Bailey in order to ask for ransom, blame Theodore for being a bad guardian, and then take him to court to get Bailey (and the fortune) for themselves. But their plans are in danger when the shelter's administrator (and former animal rights activist) Marge Maggs (Laurie Holden) and her little daughter and friend get involved as Bailey falls for their dog Tessa, and Theodore has a crush for Marge too.

It's also pretty simple and silly, but it works. And it's Tim Curry's and Jennifer Tilly's performances that make even more watchable. Yes, it really sucks to see Tim Curry having to take these roles, but at least he's great at them. He and Jennifer are so over the top that it works great, and every time they're on screen you are entertained. The love story part is kind of lame like always in this type of movies but Dean Cain is very good as the shy and clumsy Theodore.

Nobody is going to see this movie, but I'm glad I did, because I'm sure I'll watch this one again in the future, and I'll still like it. It's one of those movies I can really see myself watching over and over when it's shown on cable just to waste time. That sounds like a bad thing but is not, Bailey's Billion$ is actually good.

Fantastic Four

The biggest and most famous Marvel superheroes have finally gotten to the big screen. Fantastic Four has had a very troubled time, from preproduction problems, to weird casting (Ioan Gruffudd and Chris Evans? Who are they?) and then when the script came out and then the first teasers and everybody was hating everything they were seeing and reading.
Well, the movie is out now and I'm happy to announce that it's not bad at all, it's kind of really good actually, and I'm really excited about a sequel.

Despite being little known, I loved the casting of Chris Evans, who was previously seen only in Not Another Teen Movie (and then Cellular but that was after he was cast). Chris makes the perfect Johnny Storm aka The Human Torch, capturing the playfulness of the character with his powers and his winning attitude. I also love how he loves the public and be seen.
And this is a big difference between the Fantastic Four and most (if not all other) superheroes, they don't hide their identities, everybody knows who they are and where to find them, and Johnny loves to be on the spotlight.

Then we have Ben Grimm aka The Thing, played by Michael Chiklis from the TV series The Shield. Another great casting here, as Chiklis plays the sad Thing who can't get the love he wants because of his appearance. Ben was engaged, and so when he becomes The Thing her fiancee leaves him in the (pretty much) only really lame couple of scenes of the movie, as his bride to be first gets scared and disgusted by him, and then she appears out of nowhere to throw the engagement ring to the floor in front of him and hundreds of people right after he saved the day early in the movie. Really disastrous moments there featuring Laurie Holden as Ben's girl.
Then he receives the affection of the blind Alicia Masters, played by Kerry Washington, who is a black girl unlike the white Alicia from the comics and the animated series. Apparently (just like making the Kingpin black in DareDevil), the producers probably thought they had to get someone black in their movies so people wouldn't realize how racist creator Stan Lee is.
People are divided about The Thing and how he was made with Chiklis in a suit instead of CGI like The Hulk, and I'm glad he was done this way. It looks very real, and there's no problem of big special effects or anything like that. Plus you can really tell that is Chiklis in there and it makes The Thing more human. Great work by whoever stood up for costume and make up and decided to not use CGI on him.

Ioan Gruffudd is Reed Richards aka Mr. Fantastic, the big brain of the family. He can't stop thinking about creating stuff and discovering new things, reason why he's had trouble with the ladies before. If he'd only put more attention on them than in his inventions. I knew Gruffudd from the Horatio Hornblower TV series and from last year's King Arthur (where his Lancelot was one of the very few things I liked about that movie) but he was not in my radar for any movie. And I had always pictured George Clooney as the man with elastic powers so it was a disappointment for me when he was not cast (though it was a possibility at first). Still, Gruffudd delivered, and even though he doesn't have a big screen presence yet, he did get what Richards is all about and the little comedic bits when he totally forgets about Sue because of some scientific discovery are great.
If there's a weak point in the special effects then it's all here. Richards' elasticity is not used a lot, and while at times it works when they use camera angles and stuff like that, the times they use CGI you can really tell. And it looks very fake.

The four is complete with Jessica Alba who plays Sue Storm aka The Invisible Girl. If there's one weak casting is here. I'm sorry but like I've said before I fail to see how great Alba is. I mean, I know she's hot, and she's also funny and very likeable but I found myself liking her as the actress Jessica Alba when she's herself in series like Entourage or when she goes to Leno or Conan. I love her there, but on the big screen I'm not convinced she's that great. Her Sue Storm is played ok, but Alba is way too young to play her, and so I didn't buy her. And again, why cast a girl with Latin roots instead of an American white woman like the Sue from the comics? I mean, I know Alba has a huge following but someone a little bit more experienced looking at least would have been better I think.

And finally the villain, Victor Von Doom played by Julian McMahon also from a TV series, in his case Nip/Tuck where he also plays a doctor (a plastic surgeon though).
McMahon is very good here though his character, while being the bad guy he's supposed to be, it's all for the wrong reasons. Doom's hate towards Reed Richards comes from who has more knowledge. It's about him hating Richards because Richards is smarter, not because of Sue Storm. Here Sue and Reed used to date, but then their relationship ended (I guess Sue ended it) because Reed was more into science than into her. Now Sue works for Victor, who thinks she's into him, but in fact she's still in love with Reed. And this is what causes the whole big fight instead of the doctor's competition for scientific discovery.

Still, I forgive the story not being a hundred percent true to the comics, because everything else is really good. And there's also the future of the franchise.
I compare this Fantastic Four movie to the first Xmen movie, when they introduced everybody, but the big plot of the movie was not really important. Yes, Magneto wanted to destroy the leaders of the world but it wasn't managed in a big way, and those leaders barely knew they were in danger because it all happened between the mutants. The second movie added and added mutants, but it also put the world in real danger and the people of the world were even hurt. It's the same here, and that's why I'm awaiting the second Fantastic Four (which has already been announced). I think it will be great, specially if they keep the cast and bring in the Silver Surfer (who Chris Evans would be perfect to play if he wasn't playing Johnny already) and Galactus. Oh yes, I really can't believe director Tim Story made a good movie. I'm really surprised with him, good for him.

Must Love Dogs

Must Love Dogs is a romantic comedy for adults, not because it's about adult themes but because it's about forty-somethings and not about a college kid played by Freddie Prinze Jr. (where is he now btw?). Anyway, the movie is lame, not funny, it doesn't offer anything new to the genre, and just like its title, it sucks. It's worth nothing (or bashing) that the title does make sense because of dogs is how the lead characters meet, but after that the main dog plays an almost nothing role and there's not even a subplot involving him.

Diane Lane plays Sarah, a recent divorcee who's family is trying to get her into the dating game again. I don't know how long has she been divorced because at first she says the last month has been tough but later in the movie she says her ex-husband got remarried 2 months ago so it's not very clear. Anyway, we see her go on dates for way too long while at the same time we get to know Jake (played by John Cusack), also a recent divorcee who makes wooden boats nobody buys but other than that he doesn't seem to have a job. She's a pre-school teacher.
They finally meet, and the horrible script tries to play smart by getting Sarah and Jake to not connect at first and even putting another guy after Sarah (Bob, played by Dermot Mulroney) even though when we first hear about him they tell us he's a bad guy. And besides, we already know she's going to end up with Jake because I don't see no Dermot in the poster.
Lame situation after lame situation happens (including the now classic though still embarrassing sing-a-long) and of course they end up together at last.

Diane Lane showed her range (and received a well deserved Oscar nom) in Unfaithful, but before that and since then there's nothing note-worthy in her career. She was so good in that movie that I don't understand why she takes these roles. I mean, she's ok, but there's nothing she could do to save this movie thanks to the bad writing by Gary David Goldberg who also directed.
The only way to save this movie would've been if John Cusack's character had more screen time. It really sucks cause we only see bits of his character's life while we get long scenes of Sarah and all her big family which includes Christopher Plummer as dad Bill who's now, just like his daughter, playing the field after her wife died years ago. It's an interesting character actually that could have his own movie and be like an old Alfie.

But anyway, Cusack is really wasted here, specially since his character's dialogue is so good, which I heard Cusack himself rewrote after the director asked him to. And he's not even a lead character, only Diane Lane's is if it were according to their screen time. They gave him top billing in the poster just to get his fans to see the movie, and it worked I guess, because he was the only reason I had to watch Must Love Dogs, and after seeing it, he still is.

The Island

Critics and film fans hate Michael Bay with a passion. He makes the most mindless summer movies with huge plot holes and one action scene after another. Audiences love him though, I do too. Armageddon is one of my top 10 favorite movies and The Rock was pretty great too. I hate Bad Boys and its sequel though.
Now he brings us The Island, produced by Steven Spielberg (instead of Jerry Bruckheimer who's produced all of Bay's previous movies), a sci-fi adventure about clones who find out what they are and escape the fortress that keeps them captive without them nor the other millions of clones that live with them knowing.

Ewan McGregor plays Lincoln Six Echo, and he's been in this place for 2 years. He's been questioning everything for some time now, like why do they always wear the same white clothes, why aren't they allowed to touch other people and even more stupid stuff like where are the tubes he fills every day with something he doesn't know what it is going.
He also questions the titular Island, a paradise he and everybody knows exists but they can't go to. They all want to go there because it's supposed to be the only contamination free place in the whole world, which suffered something like a huge contamination a long time ago, everything is dead, and so that's why all the survivors (like them) are in this facility like they're in quarantine.
The only way to get to The Island is by winning the lottery, so they all gather in the hall and watch these huge screens where all their names and faces are shown and then it randomly stops and one person wins and goes to The Island. There's another way to go there and that's by getting having a baby in which case the mother gets to go too.

Scarlett Johansson plays Jordan Two Delta, she's a friend of Lincoln's (that he'd want to know better) and wins the lottery the same day he freaks out and decides to escape the place (taking her with him) after finding a bug (which are supposed to be all dead) in the ventilation system. He was not supposed to be there, but he has a friend in McCord (the marvelous Steve Buscemi), who works for the corporation that has all the clones in there. McCord and Lincoln talk every day without McCord saying anything about the outside world since that would get him probably killed.
The facility is run by Dr. Merrick, played by Sean Bean, a man who thinks he's god because he has developed the science that allows people to live forever he says. Rich people of course, because these clones are expensive, and so if they get sick or they can't have a baby and want one, they can just go to this place, get themselves cloned by Merrick's people, and whenever they need new organs (or when the baby is born), their clone will win the lottery, go to the non existent Island, and doctors will take the organs of the clones (killing them) and give them to the sponsors as the people who get a clone are called.
Michael Clarke Duncan plays Starkweather, one of the first clones we see who wins the lottery, to then wake up in the movie of a nightmare as doctors are cutting him up in the operating room to give his organs to the football superstar he's a clone of.

The idea is just fantastic, and the movie works really great. The first 45 minutes or so are used to show Lincoln's curiosity and how everything works, and it's very entertaining and even serious for a Michael Bay movie. Then the escape happens, in a very thrilling action sequence which was my favorite part of the movie. From there on Bay gives us an hour of chase scenes with very minimal dialogue. This gets a little repetitive, specially since one of them is a total rip-off of Bay's own Bad Boy 2's chase scene. Lincoln and Jordan are being chased by Albert Laurent (played by Djimon Hounsou), who's hired by Merrick to hunt them down without the authorities nor the public knowing because that would make the company lose money and its reputation would be destroyed.

What's really great are the special effects, you don't even notice them. I specially loved a scene that little bug like machines go into Lincoln's eye and we see a close up of them getting inside the eye and I was expecting to see those computer eyes you always notice but it didn't happen. The effects are also great in the chase scenes with stuff like flying motorcycles and trains.
Another high point is when Lincoln meets his sponsor, and we get 2 Ewan's on screen at the same time. Sure, there's lots of play with the camera angles but in some brief scenes both of them are together and you can't tell that Ewan doesn't have a twin brother. Excellent work by ILM here.

And that was something weird in the movie. I'm not exactly sure what year is the movie supposed to take place (I think there's a mention to "The Laws of 2050"), but the world portrayed there is pretty much the same we have now, plus the aforementioned flying vehicles. But all the other stuff looks like today's world. And little imagination with a few of the product placement used because they have an X-Box at some point in the movie and it's the same logo they have these days, but we all know next year the X-Box 360 (or something like that) will come out so they should've invented a new X-Box model for the movie or at least used the 360's logo.

And I need to comment more on the product placement because the story's kind of anti-corporation but it fails completely with so many products used. I read that Bay went over budget for the movie, and so he started calling his friends asking them for money in exchange for product placement. I think it was like a million dollars for it. And so we get massive advertising in the movie, for stuff like MSN Search and X-Box (both Microsoft products), Cadillac, Chevrolet, Mack Trucks, Budweiser and so much more. Even Scarlett's real life commercial for Calvin Klein makes into the movie, though it's used as part of the story and not just to get money for it (though I'm sure they got some).

Michael Bay knows what he's doing with these movies, and I love that he doesn't care about critics (though a couple early reviews by the big ones have been positive) and makes his movies for the huge audiences that go see them.
And this movie is smarter that his previous films, as the story contains some nice ideas about the cloning science and the character's reaction to what they are and their interaction with the real world is done really well. Still, the movie has pretty big plot holes, and the ending, though poetic, doesn't make sense because it wouldn't work at all. And one of the main characters changes sides in a split second and even though we get the reason, the turning point happens way too fast.
Still, The Island has great acting, amazing visual effects, big explosions and even bigger chases, making it a thrilling ride and another winner from Michael Bay, at least in my book.

Hustle & Flow

"You know it's hard out there for a pimp!", well no, I didn't know. I didn't because there's never been a movie that truly shows what it's all about, rap and hip-hop nor pimps and hoes. Memphis' own Craig Brewer writes nd directs Hustle & Flow, about a pimp suffering a mid-life crisis who decides to try and change his life around by becoming a rapper. Ok, the change wouldn't be that big because as we all know, rappers are pimps too.

DJay (played by Terrence Howard) is our rapper wannabe here, and he doesn't know if he can do it. All he knows is that he used to love his little Casio keyboard when he was a kid. He also knows that Skinny Black (Ludacris), who's also from Memphis, made it big some time ago, and so he dreams of making it too.

DJay's a pimp, and not your average pimp from movies where the guy is always loaded with money, bodyguards and hot whores. The women here are cheap sweaty hoes, thanks to Memphis' weather, and not very hot either. Taryn Manning is the total surprise as Nola, the petit white prostitute who's not very smart. Or is she?. What she is for sure is DJay's only girl who makes some money, thanks to his other two whores.
Paula Jai Parker plays Lexus, the dirty slut who doesn't care about DJay and wants to work at a strip club. She's highly hateful and nasty. And then Taraji Henson who plays Shug, the pregnant prostitute.
I totally loved Taraji in this role. A really likeable character and she plays it perfectly. It's kind of a waste though because we don't get to know much about her. And like I said before Taryn Manning is awesome. She's very cute even though she's all trashed down here, and she has a very sweet voice.

And then the guys. Anthony Anderson plays Key, a friend of DJay's who has a good life now. He's married and has a good house and all, but he works recording stuff like church gospel, weddings and even court cases, and he hates it. It's not what he wants to do with his life, so when DJay asks him to help him producing music he's in and gets into it more and more every day against his wife's wishes. Then DJ Qualls as Shelby, a skinny white boy who loves weed who works with Key on the recorder and mixer for the gospel music at church. Shelby's the one who brings all the beats to make the music and he knows what he's doing.
Great work by both of them in this movie. I've always loved DJ Qualls so it was no surprise for me but Anthony Anderson really was giving a very strong performance unlike any of that silly comedy he always does.

But the true star is Terrence Howard in the lead as DJay. The guy is a natural and his strong performance here, together with his Crash work early this year, is really breathtaking. He has great charisma and his dramatic work is excellent, putting a highly award worthy performance. I really hope he gets recognized by the Academy come awards season.

Craig Brewer is a white man, so everybody wants to know why the hell he decided to make a movie about rappers. He wanted to make a movie about the real Memphis he responds, and I'm glad he did it because this movie is excellent, giving 8 Mile a run for best hip-hop movie ever. Eminem's film is excellent too and cooler, but this one feels more real, because pimp, ho or whatever, everybody has a dream as DJay says, and it's stuff like that that make it so special, Hustle & Flow has heart.

Bad News Bears

After the not totally horrible Rebound and the Will Ferrell freak out Kicking and Screaming, which wasn't as great as it should've been, we now get the best kids in sports movie of the year so far, Bad News Bears. The team behind the remake of 1976's Walter Matthau movie of the same name (which I've never seen) is formed by Richard Linklater at the helm, Billy Bob Thornton in the Matthau role, and Bad Santa's scribes Glenn Ficarra and John Requa. The two of them wrote the remake with Bill Lancaster who also wrote the original.

Linklater loves the crossover between the indie and studio movies world. And he also loves to work no matter with who. He's done teen movies (Dazed and Confused), adult movies (Tape, Before Sunrise/Sunset), and kids movies like School of Rock. Now Bad News Bears is supposed to be a kids movie too, but believe me this is way on the border to a R Rating. There are no fucks, but shit, dick, asshole and their derivatives are used as often as possible.
The humor is sick too, like having a kid in a wheelchair in the baseball team, and making fun of him all the time. There's also some mild insults to blacks and Hispanics. But don't worry, it comes out funny.
Linklater also brings his A-game with the music as in all his movies, though some crappy band destroys Joan Jett's Bad Reputation during the end credits.

Billy Bob Thornton is back in Bad Santa mode but without the suit. He rocks as Morris Buttermaker, a former baseball player who only go to play 2/3 of an inning in the majors and has lived off of that ever since. He's got his strippers, his booze and his Cadillac and that's all he needs. For money he works as at pest control company spraying houses to kill rats, and he's horrible at it.
If there's one question I have about the movie is why the hell does he take the coaching job, cause I don't think it was ever explained. But he takes the job, to coach a team of (as always) pathetic loser kids at the South Valley Little League.

Thornton is great as usual, and the kids help a lot to the point where I think the movie wouldn't have worked without them. They're awesome. Troy Gentile is great as the aforementioned wheelchair-bound kid named Hooper as is Jeffrey Tedmori as Persian kid Garo. There's also good work by Timmy Deters as Tanner, the kid that wants to fight everybody even though he's not big at all; Brandon Craggs as Engelberg, the big fat kid always fighting with Tanner; K.C. Harris as Ahmad Abdul Rahim, the black kid; Jeff Davies as Kelly, the kid who can actually play very good; and Sammi Kraft as Amanda, Buttermaker's daughter whom he abandoned years before and is now trying to reconnect with even though he doesn't want to accept it. She's brought into the team to pitch and she's also a very good player.

Linklater is a genius, Billy Bob rocks and Greg Kinnear's puts a small but very funny performance as Buttermaker's rival coach Bullock. What's better is that the kids are real, except Kelly's first scenes, in which he starts as motorcycle riding badass even though he's supposed to be no more than 15 years old. But they yell, scream and insult each other and even adults all the time, throwing stuff at them, and is all really fun and entertaining. Still, one more thing's for sure, Bad News Bears is no little kids movie, so everybody should see it.

Happy Endings

Movies with a big ensemble cast are usually ok to great. If it works on the whole, and all its parts are satisfying, it ends up great like I Heart Huckabees last year for example, or The Royal Tenenbaums a few years ago. Those two movies were written by excellent screenwriters though. Writer/Director Dan Roos' first movie was The Opposite of Sex, which was good, and then he made Bounce, which was really good. Now the filmmaker brings us Happy Endings, and it's just ok, and for an ensemble cast movie.

Various separated stories, all starting with Mamie (Lisa Kudrow) and Charley (Steve Coogan), teen stepsiblings who are moving in together after their parents got married. It seems to be the first day of the move, and maybe the first time they meet, but it's just a quick attraction and they sleep together. She's no longer a virgin, she gets pregnant, and after their parents find out, she gets an abortion.

We jump 19 years into the future and they don't see each other much. Mamie is now an abortion counselor who's dating a Mexican immigrant named Javier (Bobby Cannavale), who works at a massage parlor. Nikki (Jesse Bradford) is a young man who aspires to be a filmmaker. He knows Mamie didn't have that abortion, in fact, she gave birth to the child and gave it for adoption. He knows where the now teen is and so he blackmails Mamie by giving her the info on how find her son and in exchange he wants to film the reunion. That documentary will be his ticket to get into AFI he thinks.
Mamie doesn't want to, so Javier helps her by letting Nikki film him in the massage parlor, where he pretends to be a sex worker for depressed women. The documentary would also tell his story as an illegal immigrant.

On the other hand Charley is now gay, living with his boyfriend Gil (David Sutcliffe). Gil's long time best friend is a lesbian named Pam (Laura Dern), and she and her girlfriend Diane (Sarah Clarke) have a 2 year old. The kid was the result of artificial insemination, for which Gil donated the sperm once but it didn't work. But Charley suspects it did work, and Pam and Diane said it didn't so they wouldn't have to share the kid.
Charlie is the owner of a caraoke bar where a still on the closet young man named Otis (Jason Ritter) works. Otis is secretly in love with Charlie, but he doesn't say anything. Instead, he steals the security tapes of the bar and masturbates to the images of Charlie cleaning the place. Jude (Maggie Gyllenhaal) is a free spirit homeless girl who seduces Otis and sleeps with him. And then she seduces his rich father Frank (Tom Arnold) and sleeps and gets engaged to him. She's just after his money, at first.

Lots of things happen and at the end of the movie the stories interconnect and we get the happy endings. At least at that point because as the director tells us during the movie, their lives will be different in the future. And this is an interest idea that Roos uses in the movie. Instead of having narrator in voice over, he splits the screen in two and gives us comments cards about what's going to happen to the character like "...will be a virgin for 10 more minutes" right before the teens' sex episode and even comments on what will the last words before he dies for one of the characters. It's very well used at first, but then it gets overused.

The acting ranges from ok to really great like Gyllenhaal, and Kudrow and Arnold give their best performances ever on a movie after their very successful TV careers. But it mostly works because their stories are more interesting than the other characters'. The others in Kudrow's group, Cannavale and Bradford, are also great, specially the latter who gives a very energetic performance.
The story I could live without was the one involving Charley and Gil and their lesbian friends. Though I can't think of it right now, I'm pretty sure I've seen that story developed somewhere else. And so I didn't care for them at all.

The movie as a whole is ok as I said before, thanks to the Kudrow and Bradford's and Arnold and Gyllenhaal's stories, which would really work as their own movie even. The music also helps, specially when Maggie Gyllenhaal herself sings on screen such classics as Billy Joel's "Honesty" and "Just The Way You Are", or any of the three other songs she performs.
Happy Endings' big problem is that its big plot is not very clear, parenting would my guess. Still, by the end the characters connect, and Gyllenhaal's voice closes the movie giving us that happy ending we are waiting for.

Wedding Crashers

"Suck my left nut!". That's how this movie opens. This year so far has been tough for comedies, I loved Fever Pitch, but besides that there hasn't been one single broad comedy worth to be called Best Comedy of the Year. Well, fear no more, because Wedding Crashers is here, and it rocks.
Pairing of Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn is not original, after all, these guys have been doing movies with Ben Stiller, Luke Wilson, Will Ferrell and Jack Black non-stop for the past 3 years. But still, the idea is genius.

Divorce mediators by day, Wedding Crashers by night, Owen Wilson plays John Beckwith and Vince Vaughn plays Jeremy Klein, two party guys who work all year waiting for the Wedding Season, that time of year when everybody decides to get married at the same time. And so they crash every possible wedding they can, no matter race or religion, always following the Wedding Crashing Rules set by a legend only known as Chaz years ago, who then passed all his knowledge along to Jeremy. Simple rules really, like always using fake names and always be the life of the party nobody will suspect you were never invited to it.
The goal: free food and drinks, and of course, vulnerable women to have sex with.
The first 45 minutes of the show us the guys partying and having sex with the girls and they stuff they do is awesome and a real life guide really, it's all very useful.

And then the movie goes into romantic comedy mode and we get the beautiful Rachel McAdams as Claire and the crazy in love Isla Fisher as Gloria, daughters to Christopher Walken's Secretary of Treasure Cleary, whose other daughter gets married, and so John and Jeremy crash the wedding. It all ends up with John falling in love with Claire, even though she has a boyfriend and is probably getting married soon, and Jeremy totally freaked out by Gloria, who doesn't tell him she's a virgin until after they do it and then falls psychotically quickly in love with him.
Jane Seymour plays the mother of the girls and even though she only has a handful of scenes, they're all funny and work great. Chaz is revealed towards of the movie and is funny as hell, so I'm not going to spoil it by saying who plays him but the character is genius.

If I had to complain, I'd say that Walken is never let lose, and that the guys get too easy into the Cleary's wedding which is supposed to have all this mass security, but still, it doesn't really affect anything, mostly because Owen and Vince are so great here. Isla Fisher is a comedic revelation, and she's not afraid to show her body, though her nude scenes are cut in a way that it could've been body double, but it's still nudity, and I'm happy for that. Adult language is also used in abundance, making the R rating worthy.

Much better than most comedies, though not in the level of the perfect Old School (to which I compare all comedies btw), Wedding Crashers is the best comedy of the year right now, and thanks to the great characters and comedic acting talent, and the excellent situations and quotable lines, it has all the right ingredients to become a classic.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Attention: This is not a remake, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is a reimagination of the book of the same name written by Roald Dahl in 1964. Director Tim Burton is not a fan of the first movie adaptation of the book, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, with Gene Wilder as the candy maker, and so he enlisted his all star Johnny Depp and made a movie according to his ideas.
On my part, I've never seen Willy Wonka, I've just never cared for it, and so I was not excited to see Charlie. Now that I've seen it, I still don't care for the story, but I did love most of it.

Johnny Depp is a god as Willy Wonka. I'm amazed at how Johnny just throws himself at these roles, as weird as they are, and he gives them all he has, and it comes out excellent. It's clear that he has total confidence in Tim Burton who almost never disappoints. Depp's performance is the best stuff of the movie, just watching him and his weird faces is fun. And the way he talks and delivers his lines is gold, even if it reminded me a little bit of Michael Jackson. Damn, I shouldn't have mentioned him since this is a children's movie but it's something that was on my mind the entire movie. And there's more stuff like this, stuff that only adults will understand, like when we're introduced to the kid that loves videogames, the scene opens with him playing a Shoot 'em Up game with loud gunshots and his crazy face wanting to kill everything on the screen, and then we see he lives in Colorado. Nice touch there, and I'm sure that was Burton's idea.

Charlie is played by the very gifted and young Freddie Highmore, who Depp brought into this movie after working with him in last year's Finding Neverland where the kid clearly upstaged him.
Then Annasophia Robb, (who was early this year in Because of Winn-Dixie) plays Violet Beauregarde, chewing gum world champion, and Julia Winter plays Veruca Salt. Then Jordon Fry plays Mike Teavee, the kid who loves technology (though he's no geek, weird combination), and finally Philip Wiegratz plays Augustus Gloop, the German kid who can't get enough chocolate.
The kids are all very good, though I would've loved to see more of them, specially of Violet. And it's worth noting that save from Freddie and Annasophia, this was the other kids' first movies.

The movie starts with the kids winning the famous Golden Tickets that allowed them to visit the factory for a day, and then they go in. The introductions are all great (Charlie's house is classic Burton), and once we go inside the factory the movie rules. Everything inside the factory is fascinating, even those I-though-I-Was Going-To-Hate Oompa Loompas, all played by Deep Roy. I love all the stuff in the factory from the river of chocolate to the breakfast-lunch-and-dinner chewing gum.
The ending of the movie is disappointing after seeing what was inside the factory and actually, the movie loses its magic for the last 20 or so minutes, mostly because the story is taken out of the great factory.
The score by Danny Elfman is excellent. Elfman also sang all the Oompa Loompa songs which were very good. He did the same in Burton's masterpiece The Nightmare Before Christmas.

Like I mentioned before, I just didn't care about the story, before or after the movie, not sure why. But I did enjoy the movie, specially Johnny Depp's work and all the factory stuff.
Since I've never seen the first adaptation, I can't compare them, but some friends that love the original tell me this is exactly the same (in terms of story), and that the only major change is the ending.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is not a classic for me, but there's magic in it for most of its time, and will be enough for the little kids who are sure to love it.

Dark Water

A mother figure, a cute and smart kid, a dead kid's ghost, lots of water and hair (there's always hair), those are the main components of Dark Water, and of The Ring, and oh yeah, of The Grudge too. Yes, this is the latest remake of a Japanese movie that is very similar to another Japanese movie and its remake, that has lots in common with another Japanese movie and its remake, and it all just blows.
I now know why I loved (yes, loved) The Ring back in 2002, because it was the first one. I'm sure that if I had seen Ringu before, I wouldn't have liked The Ring. And that's why I hated The Grudge and it was the worst movie of 2004 for me, because they're all the same movie, and there's no way they're going to trick me with the same sound effects over and over again.
Dark Water sucks because of all that too, but It wont be receiving my Worst Movie of the Year award this time because I suspected it was going to be like this. And also because 10 minutes into the movie I confirmed it, as I already knew everything: what happened to the ghost kid that's hunting the new kid, and how the movie was going to end. Don't worry, I'm not going to mention the plot again because any minor detail I could say would give the ending away.

Naomi Watts ruled The Ring, Sarah Michelle Gellar sucked in The Grudge, and now Jennifer Connelly is very good in Dark Water, with the must have crying scene she does so well. The kid this time is played by Ariel Gade, who played Ben Stiller's daughter in Envy (disaster!), and she's very good here, though nothing like the awesomeness of David Dorfman in The Ring (he was laughable in the sequel though).
John C. Reilly is here too, and he's awesome during the first 15 minutes of the movie, and sadly, those are the only good parts of the movie overall. Pete Postlethwaite has a little creepy part and Tim Roth plays an even smaller role than him though not creepy at all.
I don't really want to comment on the characters because it's a horror movie and it would all be spoilers but the overall feeling is disappointment.
Something to rescue from the movie is a running joke that happens whenever Reilly's and Roth's character talk to Connelly's character, every time she asks them something they would just say that they were busy with their families or something when in fact they were by themselves watching a movie or eating. And this happens 4 or 5 times during the movie.

Award winning director Walter Salles made this movie and I really don't understand why. His previous work is so great and truly inspiring with movies like Central Station and The Motorcycle Diaries, but there's nothing from him here. I truly thought Hideo Nakata (Ringu, Ringu 2, The Ring 2) had directed this, so when I saw Salles' name in the credits I was really amazed, truly disappointed, because Dark Water sucks.

Hooligans

Me and my friend almost got mugged the other week. We were walking to our cars after a movie, and this guy comes up to us and after the usual blubbering about current events (in this case the NBA Finals) he asked us for money for cigarettes. I said no, my friend said no, and the guy said thanks and left. Ok, not even close to get mugged, but that's what we wanted, cause the movie we had just watched was Hooligans, and we were thirsty for some blood.

Elijah Wood stars as Matt, a Harvard student who gets wrongfully expelled and so he leaves the country and goes visit his sister (Claire Forlani) in West Ham, England. In his first day there, he meets his sister's husband's brother Pete, played by Charlie Hunnam, a tough guy who introduces Matt to his life, the life of the hardcore football supporters of the city's team, West Ham United, a life full of pride for their colors, and most importantly, violence.
Matt is a scared kid who's never been in a fight in his life, so the idea of a brutal brawl between a hundred people all throwing punches at the same time at him was not something he wanted to experience, but when he gets hit in the face for the time, it all changes. "Once you realize you're not made of glass...", and so Matt enters this world, hooligans as they're known everywhere in the world. They're not gangs though, as Pete explains to him, they're called "Firms", theirs the Green Street Elite (or GSE) and they don't use guns, its pure street fighting.

Many people have been complaining about Elijah being in the lead here, a violent movie, when he looks so fragile. But that's the beauty of it, that's the way it's supposed to be. He's perfect for the role, cause when you see him you can easily tell that he's never been in a fight, and so his change after he starts fighting (and liking it) in the movie is totally realistic.
The real star of the movie is Charlie Hunnam though, who exudes so much charisma as the leader of the GSE, and his fighting is just awesome. Leo Gregory is also great as Bover, the crazy one of the group, a guy so in love with the Firm that he's willing to do anything to keep it the way it's always been, and so he's not happy about Matt, a weak American who calls the sport by a different name, and he's specially not happy with him after he learns that Matt used to be a journalist in Harvard. Journalists are despised by the Firms, who are underground movements that journalists are always trying to infiltrate to report on.

Directed by Lexi Alexander (a girl!) who also wrote the script with Dougie Brimson and Josh Shelov, Hooligans is a fantastic, brutal story with violence shown in the style of movies like Fight Club, filmed right there in the faces of the characters. And these get hit multiple times and all you see are bloody teeth and all you hear are bones getting broken, and it's awesome. Maybe someone will try to mug me next week and the Hooligan inside of me will come out, I hope.